The New Pope Is So Cool

I bet he’s got a tribal armband tattoo.

I bet he can dunk a basketball.

I bet he’s got a gay friend and a black friend.

I bet he can grow a beard but decided not to.

I bet he wears a shark tooth necklace.

I bet he took the tooth out of the shark’s mouth himself.

I bet he liked your favorite band before they were cool.

I bet he’s got Ray Bans but it doesn’t bother him to have the sun in his eyes.

I bet he’s going to be on Kanye’s next album.

I bet he’s cutting class right now.

I bet he smokes Marlboros with no filters.

I bet he’s using his pulpit to push Catholics to work toward progressive world improvement just to make the Vatican mad.

I bet he’s played saxophone with Bill Clinton.

I bet he sets his own curfew and then breaks it anyway.

I bet he has two tribal armband tattoos.

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This Month in Writing: February

Here on the third day of March, I’m reflecting on how productive I was this February. Despite it being the shortest month of the year, I got another 20,238 words into the computer. That’s 7,765 more than the 12,473 I wrote in January. I’m trending upwards, which is all I’m going to comment on. Nothing has drastic has changed since last month, and I believe my word total made this jump in large part to having no major holidays (my girlfriend and I do not take Valentine’s Day seriously. At her behest, we went to McDonalds and used a coupon to get two quarter-pounds, two medium fries, and a twenty-piece chicken nugget, and ate it all in one prolonged sitting) to distract me and leave me hungover for days after.

On top of my increased word count, I also managed to write everyday with the exception of the 1st, 10th, and 11th. I’m trying to take Saturday off, but the 1st was the only one I actually managed.

I do feel like my writing has been improving and there’s been some kind of breakthrough since I started working on my MFA. I’m not totally sold on the system, being unsure if the time I’m spending (and more importantly, the money) will actually pay off, or if I wouldn’t have improved this much through working hard on my own. Ask me again in five years, when I’ve been out of my program for a couple of years and can look at everything objectively.

I’m going to throw one last thing out there and call it quits on this month’s writing reflection. I’ve posted three humor pieces to this blog—“Thank You, U2,” “Figures of Boston,” and “50 Shades of May: An Extra-Erotic Guide for New Englanders”—after they’ve got rejected by McSweeney’s Internet Tendency and/or The Toast (if anyone knows any other high traffic or pro-payment humor outlets, please let me know in the comments) and I’ve gotten some decent views, and that is definitely forced my nose further onto the grindstone. I’ve long thought that blogging fiction or humor was unwise, because most outlets won’t publish something that’s been previously anywhere, even a blog, but the motivation I’ve gotten from the views is making me reconsider.

Anywho, I’ll be back next month, with hopefully even more words written.